I’m not the target audience but I wonder if I’m the type of individual it wishes would attend. (There is a caveat)
I’m in my mid-30s, relatively successful, educated, friendly, outgoing, and so on. When I think of many men in my life, I am there for them emotionally and mentally. I’ve been there when times were good and bad.
But, I have no interest in this even a little. If I wanted more male friends, it’d be trivial. I workout all the time and there’s tons of dudes from my gym who want to go out practically every night (currently live in nyc). There’s an extreme amount of men in my hobbies who are looking for new close friends. I’ve been invited to numerous outings and so on.
Yet, this is where I wouldn’t be a good fit, I cannot be bothered because I just want a family and I’ve been deeply single for four years without any hope of a relationship. For me, the loneliness epidemic is more to do with how deeply single I am and how little women want to love me. That’s my whole concern. I moved to nyc just to be able to run into women because I had no ability to do that back in SF. My friends in nyc try to invite me to shit all the time but I refuse because it’s just gonna be men hanging out and I don’t care. I’ve even gone as far as not working for three years and I just turned down an offer to work at Meta today because I don’t want to become an incel like half of the men in the tech world back in SF are. I’ve given up so much money over these last few years all just so that I could focus on my own startup - having a family. Failed miserably at it too like most founders but still trying.
No women at the gym? OK it sounds obvious but you just need to get involved with things where there is female participation and not just dudes. Pottery, book clubs, hiking/biking groups, cooking groups, dance lessons, various volunteer groups, even church, etc. But it has to be stuff you're genuinely interested in regardless. Nothing will come off worse than a new guy who's clearly there just to meet women (although, women sometimes join groups to meet men also).
Let me also add, I'm a good 20 years older than you. Don't get too wired into a vision of "family" because if and when it does happen, it might not work out the way you imagine. It sure didn't for me.
Focus on being content and happy with yourself, and then worry about meeting someone.
The times have changed. Meeting your spouse in person is pretty uncommon for educated white collar workers in nyc like myself. Almost everyone I know has met their partner off a dating app in the last few years. It’s exhausting.
I’m also uniquely ugly and that’s my main issue. So, again, times are different. Huge emphasis on looks above all other features. Attraction precedes curiosity.
> I’m also uniquely ugly
All the more reason to avoid dating apps and do it the old way. Dating apps are entirely superficial at least for the initial matching.
I agree but I’d say dating app mentality has infiltrated all aspects of dating life. So many women I know have complained about apps and not wanting to use them but then they only end up meeting their serious long term partners through them. The women I run into today are extremely specific about what they will find attractive.
End of the day, women do want to be physically attracted to their partner and that’s what the apps offer immediately. It’s just something I’m going to be unable to provide and the type of woman who doesn’t emphasize appearance is hyper-rare and in extreme demand.
Have you tried going to partner dancing events? That’s where I met my wife. Contra dance, swing dance, etc. There’s usual more women than men in my experience, and you get to be a hero for saving the wallflowers from being wallflowers.
I did it for fifteen years and am quite accomplished. Traveled the world for it and done everything you can imagine.
It was pretty damn useless cause I’m just not physically attractive even after multiple surgeries, spending time lifting, wearing nice tailored clothes, etc. Dancing is also nowhere near as mainstream or popular as it was 10+ years ago in the US. I gave up on it overall because the communities are no longer full of fun people. More men than women in most communities I’ve been in as well.
> I wonder if I’m the type of individual it wishes would attend
You are! A more complete person than myself... and people won't leave me alone! When I hear "Loneliness Epidemic" I can't help but feel it's projection. They're lonely [or not making enough money] and want to convince me, too.
Your relationship search is a good example. People take self-exclusion personally. Why?
A bit of a tangent, but I'm disgusted with the prevalence of Alcohol. I've smoked with homeless people outside of concerts. I don't drink with my coworkers. You might be surprised which has been more of a problem.